Penpusher
Posted: 2020-01-15T13:10:24+10:00 In:

After her father dies in a car accident, a bartender goes on a downward spiral when she struggles with addiction, she decides turn her life around when she becomes a street dancer with the help of a fellow dancer.

–

Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Why does the death of her father result in her needing to seek additional work? She’s hard working already – does she have a job?

      “young woman” – again. Same comments as before. Can you be more specific? Young woman could be 14 or could be 25. BIG difference in the story. Especially given the subject matter.?

      Street dancer? I’m not entirely sure what a street dancer is. Street walker? Or pole dancer?

      The last bit of your logline doesn’t really make any sense, I suggest a quick edit – I’m guessing it should just say “with the help of a fellow dancer who struggles with drug addiction”.

      The inciting incident needs to relate to the goal and, as it currently stands she doesn’t really have a goal. This is just a situation – a young woman gets extra cash by doing some extra work. The more interesting story involves the fellow dancer with the drug addiction.

      Tell us why the father’s death is so relevant, tie that to the goal, and give her something to do that can sustain a 90min+ runtime.

      • 0
    2. Penpusher

      I revised it.

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      The term, “25-year-old young woman” is a bit clunky. (If you tell us she is 25 you don’t need to further tell us she is young)

      Also “Moonlights herself” is also a little weird. Because…

      First: you can just say “Moonlights as a dancer”

      Second: We don’t know what the lead character’s day job is, it doesn’t matter if she is moonlighting, unless there is a conflict between the day job and the dance gig.

      • 0
    4. Penpusher

      She is a bartender.

      • 0