Chaos
After he's framed for murder, a young man must go on the run from the CIA with a ruthless assassin in order to shut down the black market crime syndicate that killed his parents and stop a devastating terrorist attack.
Share
Have an account? Sign In Now
Great setup with a good inciting incident and personal motivations. However the inciting incident doesn’t directly necessitate the goal i.e: MC is framed for murder does not relate to the need to stop a terrorist attack.
Best to drop the dual goal for the MC and focus on one goal driving the MC, that being bringing down the crime syndicate. On that note better to specify the way in which he will bring them down and describe the specifics of his fight against the bad guys.
Is there one big mob boss he will fight? Are there many henchmen he must fight? Will he join the syndicate and climb his way to the top in order to do away with the big bad guy? Will he find incriminating evidence about the syndicate and leak it to the authorities?
Lastly “..young man?” is too generic a description for a MC. Can you give him a more specific and clear description that preferably outlines a flaw for him to overcome before achieving his goal?
Hope this helps.
The new logline is a bit different. The crime syndicate isn’t actually part of that one. It’s still part of the story but it’s more of a background thing.
The framed for murder aspect is the inciting incident, but it’s all a ruse. The murder wasn’t real. It’s just a way for the bad guys to gain access to something the protagonist has in his possession.
”After he’s implicated in a cyberterrorism attack by a clandestine government agency, a ex-con computer hacker must help a ruthless assassin bring down the agency in order to find the black market information broker that killed his parents.”
>> he?s implicated
If he was framed, then say “framed”
And I still don’t see how the framing has anything to do with what follows. It may be a problem, may be a ruse, but there doesn’t seem to be a direct cause and effect between the framing and having to help the assassin. The protagonist’s motivation for helping the assassin is to find the killer of his parents when, given the inciting incident, it should be to clear his name.
If his goal is to find who killed his parents, then the logline should have an inciting incident that is clearly linked to that objective goal. A logline reader shouldn’t be left wondering or guessing how the inciting incident is causally linked to the objective goal.
Why is he running from the CIA for a murder charge?
Good point. The CIA does not get involved in routine homicides. He had to kill someone critical to national security — outside the borders of the US. If the crime is committed in the US, he would be pursued by the FBI.