When he is framed for the murder of his boss, a genetically engineered assassin must protect the boss’s daughter from his enemies to clear his name after he is hunted by three major Syndicates.
t3xx3rLogliner
When he is framed for the murder of his boss, a genetically engineered assassin must protect the boss’s daughter from his enemies to clear his name after he is hunted by three major Syndicates.
Share
The inciting incident isn’t that his boss is killed, it’s the reveal that the protagonist has been framed for the murder. That’s the moment that turns the protagonist’s life upside down.
We need to feel like the protagonist is in real danger… “targeted by three major syndicates” doesn’t mean much to me. We need to know his life is on the line! He’s not just being targeted – he’s being hunted! That’s the dramatic irony!
When he’s framed for the murder of his boss and mentor, a genetically engineered assassin is hunted by rival hitmen as he struggles to uncover the truth and clear his name.
It’s not perfect but it clearly shows how the imbalance of the inciting incident sets up the goal and includes the dramatic irony of the assassin being hunted. Arguably there are two goals (find the truth AND clear his name) but they’re interconnected… to do one he has to do the other.
Hope this helps.
The guy’s an assassin.? Why should I emphasize with his plight?? Why should I want to root for somebody in that line of work?? Give me a reason to want him to live?? He’s a killer. As they say in law enforcement, what goes around, comes around.? Now it’s come around? to him.
If a protagonist isn’t sympathetic, then he has to be compelling, fascinating,? The audience wants to watch what he does in spite of their default feelings about him.
That he’s genetically engineered may be an? element on which to build a fascinating character with a compelling struggle.? But as is, it’s almost a throw away in this logline.? What’s the big dramatic deal about being genetically engineered?? What unique dramatic problem does it create for the character?? Which is to ask:? what’s the story hook?
(A limited lifespan is already taken by the replicants in the “Blade Runner” wanna-be-franchise — gotta come up with something different. And that he’s being framed does not qualify as a? story hook because it’s not a unique dramatic problem — it’s a rather common plot trope.)
fwiw
Remove ?makes it personal? and describe the story, rather set out to clear his name.
Captures and tortures likely suspects to…
Decides to kill his bosses enemies to ….