After his father?s suicide, a drug-addicted son must defeat his only friend in a wakeboard contest to win the prize money and save his home.
Alan SmitheePenpusher
After his father?s suicide, a drug-addicted son must defeat his only friend in a wakeboard contest to win the prize money and save his home.
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I like dpg’s second version as well.
When his family faces bankruptcy after his father’s suicide, his drug-addicted son must defeat his only friend in a wakeboard contest to win enough money to save their home.
(29 words)
Or (my preference):
When his family faces bankruptcy after his father’s suicide, his son must kick his drug habit and win a wakeboard contest to win enough money to save their home.
(24 words)
He does gotta clean up his bloodstream if he’s going to have any chance of winning, doesn’t he? ?That he’s got to compete against his best friend is a ?relationship complication, but surely overcoming his drug problem is a bigger problem he must overcome.
Both versions establish a clarified causal link between the inciting incident and the the objective goal: ?suicide —> bankruptcy threat—> enter contest to win $$$ —> save the home.
And both enhance the stakes. ?He’s not just trying to save the home for himself. ?It’s a opportunity to redeem himself ?from his selfish, self-destructive behavior by rising to the occasion and coming to the rescue of his family.
fwiw