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davidnoblesLogliner
Posted: April 5, 20162016-04-05T11:56:02+10:00 2016-04-05T11:56:02+10:00In: Drama

After his older brother’s unexpected death, a sheltered but bold young teen living on his traditional family’s farm craves independence elsewhere, but his freedom is threatened when he is pronounced the next heir to the farm.

After his older brother’s unexpected death, a sheltered but bold young teen living on his traditional family’s farm craves independence elsewhere, but his freedom is threatened when he is pronounced the next heir to the farm.
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    1. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-04-06T11:17:15+10:00Added an answer on April 6, 2016 at 11:17 am

      My question is so what happens and what does he do? ?Threat can be answered in a few sentences. ?He sells the farm and moves to Holland. ? So how does the threat come about? ?Why is getting a farm a threat to freedom?

      This is probably not the story but a take on it from what I can see.

      “Inheriting the family farm a young man must decide to go home and run it and provide for his mum or sell it and chance his big city law career”. ?Even this lacks dramatic options.

      “Going home to sell the farm he inherited a young man torn between staying and running the family ensure his mum’s future or selling it and using the money to chase his dreams in the big city”.

      Give your MC some action. ?Tell us about what he will be doing what his dreams and wants are.

      Good luck. ?Post future versions in the comments below. ?I’d like to read them.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2016-04-07T07:26:56+10:00Added an answer on April 7, 2016 at 7:26 am

      >>his freedom is threatened when he is pronounced the next heir to the farm.’

      How is it threatened?? He has two options, both of which enable him to do what he wants.

      1] Reject the inheritance, leave the farm, get a life.?
      2] Accept the inheritance, sell the farm, take the money and run.

      What the various iterations of this logline fail to inform me is what ties him down to the farm?? What’s?his real problem?? What??is the psychological (or otherwise) obstacle that keeps him yoked to the plow?

      For whatever reason, he’s apparently not “bold” enough to defy his family’s?dreams for him?and fulfill his own.

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