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obie1productionsLogliner
Posted: September 12, 20162016-09-12T15:52:02+10:00 2016-09-12T15:52:02+10:00In: Action

After his twin brother is murdered while moonlighting as a vigilante, an introverted medical student dons his brother’s mask to hunt down his killers.

After his twin brother is murdered while moonlighting as a vigilante, an introverted medical student dons his brother’s mask to hunt down his killers.
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    2 Reviews

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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-09-15T15:23:20+10:00Added an answer on September 15, 2016 at 3:23 pm

      Agreed with DPG.

      Also, it seems a bit convenient (for the writer) that he chooses to become a vigilant in order to avenge his brother’s death. Otherwise, with no fighting, or other wise vigilant, experience himself he could just have gone to the police to help catch the killer. It isn’t made entirely clear why an other wise ill equipped brother goes out to catch the killer.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2016-09-13T03:01:22+10:00Added an answer on September 13, 2016 at 3:01 am

      I’m a ?little concerned about the occupation: vigilante. ?To justify it it as a dramatic choice I can sympathize with, I have to imagine that the protagonist lives in a?lawless society or repressive regime where justice by due process isn’t possible. ?The logline might benefit from some clarification that justifies vigilante justice.

      As a card carrying introvert (and proud), I am also concerned with the use of the word “introverted”. ?Introversion is not a synonym for timid, or cowardly, or cautious or risk-aversive. ? A person can be introverted — and not be afraid to take risks, put himself in danger.

      Finally, it would be better for the ?protagonist’s defining characteristic/flaw to be stated in contrast to that of his brother. ?So if the protagonist is fearful than his brother was fearless. ?If the protagonist is cautious, in contrast his brother would have been reckless.

      fwiw

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