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guswakeyLogliner
After his vengeful ex-partner in crime recruits his son for a dangerous heist, a reclusive fugitive must come out of hiding and take his place in order to save him.
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It?s not bad as is. ?It reminds me of ?Gone in 60 Seconds?, except it?s a brother-for-brother substitution (as opposed to father-for-son). ?Here?s the logline for Gone:
A retired car thief must return to his former life of crime in order to save his younger brother’s life. He now has four days to gather a team of boosters and steal 50 cars before it’s too late.
Maybe you can give a little more detail; maybe it?ll help to follow the Gone logline structure.
Keep up the good work!
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I think the story can be sustained by just padding out a little of the logline. Maybe the fugitive discovers that his ex-partner was using the son as a pawn to draw the fugitive out because he needs the best in the business? Or maybe he’s drawing him out to get his revenge? I reckon if you added a really interesting MPR that gives us a clue to the real?motives of this ex-partner, you will easily sustain this idea.
I would frame the inciting incident from the protagonist’s point of view. “When he discovers his vengeful ex-partner has recruited his son…”