Penpusher
Posted: 2021-05-04T11:00:52+10:00 In:

After losing her best friend in an abandoned building, a girl will have to find a way out before an old man forces her to face her greatest fear.

After losing her best friend in an abandoned building, a girl will have to find a way out before an old man forces her to face her greatest fear.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Samurai

      Consider the following to strengthen your logline:
      1. Why were they in this build? E.g., Urban explorers shooting their latest abandoned vid.
      2. What’s the psychology of your protag? E.g., Claustrophobic, afraid of the dark, reckless?
      3. Who is this old man? A “get off of my lawn” derelict?
      4. What does “forces her to face her greatest fear” look like?

      Take care.

      • 1
    2. Singularity

      In a logline, you want to avoid using phrases that can mean two different things.

      “After losing her friend”

      I can’t tell if that means, her friend has wandered off, or if her friend has died. as in “Sorry for your loss”

      “After her friend has been killed in an abandoned building…”
      “After her friend goes missing inside an abandoned building…”

      • 1