Master of the Third Mind/Free Fallen
With an uncanny ability to foresee death while painting, an artist’s prediction forces him to abandon his true love in order to save her.
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What do you mean, see death? Can’t we call see death? Do you mean “predict” or “foresee” death?
What does being a portrait artist have to do with your protagonist’s quest to reclaim his lost love? How would this even be possible – the first thing you tell us is that she’s dead. What is the action that a protagonist could take to reverse something like his girlfriend being dead?
Yes, ‘predict’ death or foresee. Him being a portrait artist has nothing to do with it, just identifies him. His lost love isn’t dead. Just separated from him, so maybe an update. Thank you for your input.
I’m a dope … sorry, sometimes I think I read what I expect to be there (and not the actual words). Right you are, the character is just separated.
So the only part of my above feedback that’s really relavant is what the ACTION is that protagonist takes to win the lost love back?
No sir, you are right. I updated based on your suggestions. You are actually brilliant. But to answer your question, the action he takes is: he enters into a clandestine affair with her when she returns, but that’s a lot to add. It’s actually quite tragic based on this man’s inability to truly act.
Driven to the verge of insanity, a (weakness) artist fights to win back the love of his life after predicting her death.?
And so he wins back her love — and then she dies?
Or he must win back her love if she is to live?
What’s really at stake?
I was just thinking what if he had to make a drawing of her from memory and if it was “perfect” she would return to him. Of course can never be perfect. Just a thought.
Thank you everyone for all your suggestions. I reworked the line and I think I like the new version.
Actually, it still lacks a foe. I mean, is this an allegory that death falls in love with her and comes for her, or is there a person or group or illness that threatens her? I still don’t see the stakes. ‘He wins back her love’ indicates to me that she is out of love with him. Does she believe in his ability to foresee her death? Does she fight him? Does he have to save her from one person, or a series of events, like a natural disaster, airplane crash…. what? And ‘driven to insanity’ doesn’t tell me the artist’s weakness. Does he believe his prescience, or is he fighting that as well? Maybe:
When a shy, psychic artist senses that his ‘true love’ is heading for deadly danger on a ‘once-in-a-life’ work opportunity, he weaves a plot to save her, even if it means losing her love.
This is a love story though, but have a way of curiosity, that is a fine hook.