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davidnoblesLogliner
Posted: February 26, 20162016-02-26T06:24:36+10:00 2016-02-26T06:24:36+10:00In: Drama

After recieving his late mother?s camera from his older brother, a depressed young farmer wants to raise enough to leave the farm by entering his photos into a contest, but when his older brother dies unexpectedly, his grandfather uses his ailing health and wealth to try to convince him into carrying the legacy forward.

After recieving his late mother?s camera from his older brother, a depressed young farmer wants to raise enough to leave the farm by entering his photos into a contest, but when his older brother dies unexpectedly, his grandfather uses his ailing health and wealth to try to convince him into carrying the legacy forward.
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    1. Karel Segers Samurai
      2016-04-10T20:33:02+10:00Added an answer on April 10, 2016 at 8:33 pm

      Hi David, I had a quick shot at reviewing your logline during the webinar. But the main points:
      – it’s long and wordy
      – it’s not clear who is the taking the main action, the young farmer or his grandfather, who seems to be the more active character towards the end.
      – why is the camera a big deal? It reads like the inciting incident, but I don’t think it’s a very exciting event.
      – he wants to leave the farm. Why? And why should we care enough to watch a whole movie about his attempts?
      – the death of the brother reads like the mid point, but it doesn’t feel connected with the rest of the story.

      To me it reads like very low concept. In other words, I don’t see why this is exciting movie material. Am I missing something big here?

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