Logliner
Posted: 2017-04-20T18:12:52+10:00 In:

After shy high school girl’heart treatment goes wrong and as result she develops supernatural ability of mind control,she must fight to expose the doctor who caused her transformation

Invincible

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    8 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      She wants to expose him? What is stopping her? Add that fact. Does she know he is responsible? If not finding is part of the story. Try to compresss the setup. Something like:

      A failed heart treatment results in a girl getting the ability to control people’s minds…

      A shy girl gets the ability to control minds after a failed hear treatment, she must..,., but…. stands in her wau.

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    2. Logliner

      After accidentally discovering that her newfounded supernatural ability to control persnon’s mind is due to her doctor’s experiment gone wrong,a shy high school girl must find a way to expose him to prevent other people from his evil ways

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    3. Singularity

      Why would she want to expose someone who “accidentally” gave her what most people what think is a fabulous supernatural ability to have, accidentally or otherwise?? What am I missing here?? I don’t understand her motivation.

      And even if she succeeds in exposing the doctor, what difference will that make in having or using her supernatural ability?? What’s the real dramatic problem she has to deal with — the doctor — or her supernatural ability?

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    4. Logliner

      Both of them,just just wish to be normal

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    5. Singularity
      Both?? Has he acquired the supernatural ability too?

      Whatever, I still don’t understand how exposing the doctor is? going to make her normal again.? Can the mistake be undone?? Or must she learn to live with it?

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    6. Uberwriter

      If you want the supernatural ability to be a problem for her, then make up a side effect that she must overcome and be specific.

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    7. Singularity

      You need a bigger goal than just to expose the doctor. ?What is the doctors plan? What is his purpose for his experiments? Stopping his plan should be the goal, how about this:
      —————————————————–
      “After she is tricked into an experimental treatment by a ruthless doctor, a shy student must use her new found abilities to take down the evil scientist and stop his plan to take over the world.”
      —————————————————–
      Obviously I don’t know what the doctor plans are in your story’s are so in my logline I used the more generic “Take over the world” so your logline would be different in that respect; but the general idea of the logline would be the same

      Hope that helped

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    8. Samurai

      INVINCIBLE -?An obese high school virgin with diabetes who stays home all day and plays online chess hones her power of telekinisis until one day she’s exposed by the CIA and forced to use her power to help them capture a deadly Russian gang of Mind Terrorists

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