Penpusher
Posted: 2016-08-08T23:31:00+10:00 In:

After spending too much time in the dispensary, two cannabis enthusiasts must hurry home to make it on time for their weekly tv ritual.

After spending too much time in the dispensary, two cannabis enthusiasts must hurry home to make it on time for their weekly tv ritual.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      The plot in this logline seems vague, and as the primary function of a logline is to describe the plot, this is a problem.

      What is the inciting incident? What starts them off on their journey?
      Even in comedy, and in this instance stoner comedy, conventional structure is often observed – take Harold and Kumar Go to White
      Castle as an example.

      Second make the goal and motivation clear to the reader within the context of the logline, just specifying that they want to watch TV is not enough. What is it about this particular show that they MUST watch?

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    2. Okay, as a fan of this genre and even writing it myself a couple times you have kept it simple which I like. Talk more about the characters (an adjective to describe why the audience would sympathize with them) and put them at the head of the logline.

      Also, how far is their dispensary from their house? How are they getting there? You have room so flesh it out and grip your reader.

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