Parallels
Alan SmitheePenpusher
After successful neurosurgery, a monk questions his visions of a transcendent being or whether they're symptoms of mental illness.
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Solid idea. The main thing will be how the visions help him. If it was a detective whose vision were helping him solve cases, he has something at stake if he loses the ability. Obviously your monk isn’t doing such a thing – or could he be? No he definitely shouldn’t be a monk turned detective, but the visions need to be helping him some sort of way. Or harming him. Either way, there has to be something to lose if he denies himself these images.
Obviously he doesn’t want to lose his phone connection to the big fella and his mates in the sky, but if his newfound powers are helping his friends and making him a better monk, then you have some stakes.
Does the monk perform the neurosurgery or is he being operated on? If so, why does this happen, and is that the cause of him questioning his faith? After that initial setup (in layman’s terms, after a brain operation a monk has a crisis of faith) … what happens then? What is the protagonist’s goal, what are the stakes, and who is your antagonist?
Hey guys, thanks for the feedback.
“There’s more to the story than meets the eye.”
OOPS! Not Caleb — I meant AXEL. Soz 🙂
Hi Caleb,
I agree with most of the comments already mentioned — particularly dpg’s point in relation to ‘questions his visions’; this is internalised action, which really has no place in a logline. It’s a juicy set-up, and we need to know what he needs to do (or WHAT he is questioning) PHYSICALLY in the course of the story:
“After life saving brain surgery, a novice monk begins to have visions of a transcendental being who tells him he must murder the leader of his order as a show of faith to God.”
— whilst maybe missing the mark of your story (and not being perfectly structured etc…) the internal struggle is implied by the external forces… He is a young monk (maybe better if at the start of the film is questioning his faith…)who believes that God is telling him to murder — a dilemma which implies a high degree of internal struggle..
Anyway — I think this has a potential to be really juicy stuff.
Best of luck with it.
“Finally, what is at stake? What does the monk stand to lose if he fails in his struggle to achieve his objective goal?”
His sanity!
Yo Axel,
Like the premise! The transcendent being could fall into antagonist territory too if the visions start to get pretty horrifying. A lot of potential. For the logline (don’t worry, I’m still learning as well but good to share!)
When a monk starts seeing visions of a higher being after an operation, he begins to question whether they are infact real or delusions brought on from the operating table.
God bless!
“Successful neurosurgery” If the surgery was successful, why is he having visions? Or is the surgery successful because it eliminated his visions? The logline could benefit from clarification on that point.
“questions his visions”. Two issues 1] It’s an inciting incident necessary perhaps, but not sufficient to constitute a plot statement for a logline. 2] It’s an interior conflict, in his mind only, out of sight from the sight of the audience.
The conflict needs to be externalized, acted out on a movie screen. And the way to do that is use the internal doubt as an inciting incident that motivates external actions, specifically a struggle for an objective goal.
Finally, what is at stake? What does the monk stand to lose if he fails in his struggle to achieve his objective goal?