After the heir to a local business dies, a scumbag photojournalist must cover the tragedy for his big break until the case becomes a homocide and his own grandfather tries to persuade him to help him frame the competitor for the murder.
davidnoblesLogliner
After the heir to a local business dies, a scumbag photojournalist must cover the tragedy for his big break until the case becomes a homocide and his own grandfather tries to persuade him to help him frame the competitor for the murder.
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This is a very confusing sentence on several levels.
The main character is the scumbag photojournalist, but why MUST he cover the tragedy? He can refuse an assignment; whats the worst that will happen? He’ll get another one. Therefore it’s not that he must cover the tragedy rather he simply covers it as? part of his job.
How does covering the death of a mostly unknown local person provide him his big break? If it were a senator or some other powerful person there would be merit to this claim, otherwise it doesn’t make sense.
“…until the case becomes a homocide…” I’m sure you meant – homicide. Until it became a homicide, could be read that once the police change the cause of death to murder he will be assigned to a different story. Or do you mean that after the case was changed to homicide, his grandfather tries to persuade him? Punctuation or re wording could help with the specific meaning you’re trying to convey.
As far as plot goes it is unclear what the story will be about. Is the inciting incident the police changing the case to homicide or the grandfather asking for help to frame someone else?
What is his goal? Is it to catch the killer? Is it to help the grandfather?
Why his grandfather? In what way and why, does the man’s grandfather hold such a strong influence over him for it to be (as McKee would say) a story worthy problem?
Lastly if he is a scumbag photojournalist, why would the read/audience car about him? What is his redeeming quality that will make it worth their while investing emotionally in this man’s story?
I agree with Nir Shelter.
Actually, I thought there was dramatic potential in the 1st version which set up a conflict between an aspiring photographer and his grandfather.? But I did not think the dramatic elements were properly chosen or aligned.? (I grew up in a rural environment, observed 1st hand the generational ?conflicts among my own relatives, the collision between individual dreams and familial duty.)
The one element? that has remained constant in all the versions is a protagonist who takes pictures.? So?I presume that is?central to whatever story you aspire to tell.? But I just don’t know what you are trying to do with your protagonist.? What is the central theme or idea you want to explore in whatever the plot turns out to be?