The Iron Horse of Lucy Steele
After the outlaw who murdered her father steals her train and frames her for the theft, a gutsy engineer must go on the lam to stop him from pulling off the biggest heist in US history.
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It seams like murdering her father was a “tacked on” method of making it personal for the MC, perhaps better to make it the inciting incident. Also the logline as it is now reads a bit too convoluted for it’s own good maybe shorten it by taking out a few descriptions:
After witnessing an outlaw murder her father, a gutsy engineer must stop him from steeling her train and pulling off the biggest heist in US history.
Only thing is the MC could use a flaw in my mind so the “…gutsy…” description can change to what ever the flaw is.
It seams like murdering her father was a “tacked on” method of making it personal for the MC, perhaps better to make it the inciting incident. Also the logline as it is now reads a bit too convoluted for it’s own good maybe shorten it by taking out a few descriptions:
After witnessing an outlaw murder her father, a gutsy engineer must stop him from steeling her train and pulling off the biggest heist in US history.
Only thing is the MC could use a flaw in my mind so the “…gutsy…” description can change to what ever the flaw is.
Thanks for the suggestions.
I agree about it being too wordy, and dropped “who murdered her father” and “go on the lam to”, as well as a choice adjective for the outlaw.
Someone thought “gutsy” was somewhat overused, so they thought “audacious” might work better, but I’m not sure if many people are familiar with the word.
Thanks for the suggestions.
I agree about it being too wordy, and dropped “who murdered her father” and “go on the lam to”, as well as a choice adjective for the outlaw.
Someone thought “gutsy” was somewhat overused, so they thought “audacious” might work better, but I’m not sure if many people are familiar with the word.
I’d say audacious is a commonly used enough word to justify being in a logline.
However, I would suggest using that oh so precious logline real-estate on an adjective that describes a flaw rather than a virtue. I think it is more interesting to see an MC overcome a flaw develop and learn something than not.
I’d say audacious is a commonly used enough word to justify being in a logline.
However, I would suggest using that oh so precious logline real-estate on an adjective that describes a flaw rather than a virtue. I think it is more interesting to see an MC overcome a flaw develop and learn something than not.