Northern Rivers
After tipping off police to his brother’s latest heist, a torn man must struggle to escape the consequences while keeping the loot; but when his brother is released on bail, he must learn where his true loyalty lies before losing the people most dear to him.
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46 words is bit wordy for a story that is in essence:
After turning in his brother to the police, an informant tries to keep the loot and hide from his bailed-out brother. (22 words)
What about the MC will be interesting and empathetic for the audience?
The MC sounds like a bad guy why would the audience care about him and watch him for the duration of the film?
Hope this helps.
These emotional stakes are a little vague, who are these people? Being specific is all important as it helps set tone. His wife, has different tone to his kids and completely different to friends.
How does he lose them? Are they going to be killed?
I need to know how things will happen? What are the consequences?
Is crime the family business?
These questions are the best advice I can offer at the moment.
Something I’m also struggling with on my own logline is making people sympathetic toward my MC due to his criminal behaviour. I think if you can make this happen and keep your word count down you’re on the right track.