Signals From The Universe
JBalmerPenpusher
After waking from a coma, a heterosexual young woman begins to believe that the universe is plotting to put her in the arms of the female EMT that saved her life, and away from her male fiancee.
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I’m not sure the stakes are high enough, a strait woman finds herself attracted to another woman is rather normal in many countries. However if she was specified to have lived in a society that made same sex relationships illegal, then the danger of the potential relationship would make it more interesting.
Also waking from the coma is a good inciting incident but “…begins to believe…” seams a very vague form of action to take. I can imagine many ways for this to happen, too many in fact for this to inform the reader of what her main action will be throughout the story.
Hope this helps.
I’m not sure the stakes are high enough, a strait woman finds herself attracted to another woman is rather normal in many countries. However if she was specified to have lived in a society that made same sex relationships illegal, then the danger of the potential relationship would make it more interesting.
Also waking from the coma is a good inciting incident but “…begins to believe…” seams a very vague form of action to take. I can imagine many ways for this to happen, too many in fact for this to inform the reader of what her main action will be throughout the story.
Hope this helps.
Ugh. “young woman” … one of my biggest pet peeves. SURELY there are better ways to describe her than her age and gender?!? Even in a story like this, when gender plays a role in the plot, it’s clearly defined when you use the word “her” three times before the end of the logline, and doesn’t need to be used as her single defining function in your film’s world as well. Do you mean young like inexperienced? Like naive? Like wide eyed?
Agree that “believing” is not a compelling action to watch. What specifically does she do when she starts to realise this plot? How does she realise the plot? Does she react to it in anyway? I find it hard to visualise what your film looks like.
Ugh. “young woman” … one of my biggest pet peeves. SURELY there are better ways to describe her than her age and gender?!? Even in a story like this, when gender plays a role in the plot, it’s clearly defined when you use the word “her” three times before the end of the logline, and doesn’t need to be used as her single defining function in your film’s world as well. Do you mean young like inexperienced? Like naive? Like wide eyed?
Agree that “believing” is not a compelling action to watch. What specifically does she do when she starts to realise this plot? How does she realise the plot? Does she react to it in anyway? I find it hard to visualise what your film looks like.
After waking from a coma, a heterosexual young woman begins to believe that the universe is plotting to put her in the arms of the female EMT that saved her life, and away from her male fiancee.
Just like the other comments I feel that the inciting incident is good. But I feel that the whole story feels vague. What do you want to tell? What’s the stakes and what’s interesting. This does not feel like something bad.
Maybe you should tell us more about the character flaw of your main character.
You could possibly change the main character to the fiancee, or maybe focus on getting her fiancee back from her nurse.
I think you should think more about the story you want to tell and maybe focus more on the concept.
After waking from a coma, a heterosexual young woman begins to believe that the universe is plotting to put her in the arms of the female EMT that saved her life, and away from her male fiancee.
Just like the other comments I feel that the inciting incident is good. But I feel that the whole story feels vague. What do you want to tell? What’s the stakes and what’s interesting. This does not feel like something bad.
Maybe you should tell us more about the character flaw of your main character.
You could possibly change the main character to the fiancee, or maybe focus on getting her fiancee back from her nurse.
I think you should think more about the story you want to tell and maybe focus more on the concept.
So she believes that the universe is conspiring against her love life. That’s the inciting incident, I guess. Now what happens?
Specifically, what does she DO about her belief? How does she act on it? What becomes her objective goal as a result of her delusion? (It is a delusion, isn’t it? Or is this a fabulist story?)
So she believes that the universe is conspiring against her love life. That’s the inciting incident, I guess. Now what happens?
Specifically, what does she DO about her belief? How does she act on it? What becomes her objective goal as a result of her delusion? (It is a delusion, isn’t it? Or is this a fabulist story?)
Neer Shelter
It does help. The stakes are that she is a control freak, who never deviates from her life plan. And here is the universe? coercing her to do just that.
Begins to believe? is vague I guess. There are basically a series of coincidences that occur and lead her to the realization that a greater power is at work.
Nicholas Andrew Halls
She is inexperienced obviously, when it comes to dealing with an attraction to women. I think the word pragmatic? speaks more to her personality. It also showcases the conflict of the film in which she has a difficult accepting the notion that cosmic force could exert control over her life.
A lot of coincidences involving the EMT happens. Then she hears a quote by Deepak Chopra that states coincidences are signals from the universe guiding us to our true destiny.? When she discovers this, she fights it. She avoids the EMT. She clings to her fianc?e.
jobohebo
I want to tell a story that?s more of girl meets guy, universe intervenes, girl meets girl.
The main character is Sawyer, she is this pragmatic person who needs to control everything in life. The stakes are this intervention by the universe is something she cannot control. The EMT is her complete opposite. She scares her.
dpg
Now what happens? She fights the universe. The universe is her antagonist. Then she loses the fight and discovers that she is attracted to this girl. This doesn?t fit in her life plan though. She needs control. She made a plan. Her fianc?e fits perfectly into said plan. It?s just that through knowing the EMT, she changes and now it?s her that doesn?t fit into the plan. Life is hard when you are expect it to be one thing for so long and then everything changes. So she needs to adjust.
Oh, it?s not a delusion per say. It?s more of a?subjective belief system. If you believe something is real, then you will start to see it everywhere.
Neer Shelter
It does help. The stakes are that she is a control freak, who never deviates from her life plan. And here is the universe? coercing her to do just that.
Begins to believe? is vague I guess. There are basically a series of coincidences that occur and lead her to the realization that a greater power is at work.
Nicholas Andrew Halls
She is inexperienced obviously, when it comes to dealing with an attraction to women. I think the word pragmatic? speaks more to her personality. It also showcases the conflict of the film in which she has a difficult accepting the notion that cosmic force could exert control over her life.
A lot of coincidences involving the EMT happens. Then she hears a quote by Deepak Chopra that states coincidences are signals from the universe guiding us to our true destiny.? When she discovers this, she fights it. She avoids the EMT. She clings to her fianc?e.
jobohebo
I want to tell a story that?s more of girl meets guy, universe intervenes, girl meets girl.
The main character is Sawyer, she is this pragmatic person who needs to control everything in life. The stakes are this intervention by the universe is something she cannot control. The EMT is her complete opposite. She scares her.
dpg
Now what happens? She fights the universe. The universe is her antagonist. Then she loses the fight and discovers that she is attracted to this girl. This doesn?t fit in her life plan though. She needs control. She made a plan. Her fianc?e fits perfectly into said plan. It?s just that through knowing the EMT, she changes and now it?s her that doesn?t fit into the plan. Life is hard when you are expect it to be one thing for so long and then everything changes. So she needs to adjust.
Oh, it?s not a delusion per say. It?s more of a?subjective belief system. If you believe something is real, then you will start to see it everywhere.
Being a control freak is a characteristic of the MC and is not a stake it is her nature. The stakes would be the potential loss of something or someone precious to her as a result of her actions.
In this instance possibly she loves her fiance and doesn’t want to loos him but finds herself physically attracted to a woman. Her stake would be losing the fiance.
A series of coincidences make her a passive protagonist, this is not recommended as most passive protagonists throughout history have resulted in lesser and un interesting stories. Best to give her a series of actions in a cause and effect relationship to follow and let her learn through them.
I think the goal needs to be defined, as it stands it is unclear what it is she wants. Once you define the goal perhaps then the action she takes to achieve it after waking from the coma will help shape a re draft of the logline.
Being a control freak is a characteristic of the MC and is not a stake it is her nature. The stakes would be the potential loss of something or someone precious to her as a result of her actions.
In this instance possibly she loves her fiance and doesn’t want to loos him but finds herself physically attracted to a woman. Her stake would be losing the fiance.
A series of coincidences make her a passive protagonist, this is not recommended as most passive protagonists throughout history have resulted in lesser and un interesting stories. Best to give her a series of actions in a cause and effect relationship to follow and let her learn through them.
I think the goal needs to be defined, as it stands it is unclear what it is she wants. Once you define the goal perhaps then the action she takes to achieve it after waking from the coma will help shape a re draft of the logline.
>>> make her a passive protagonist
The logline seems to define a protagonist whose dramatic need is to get with the universe’s program. It reminds me of ancient Greek notion of moira, fate, Humans could propose, but the gods disposed according to their whim and will. And in Greek drama, usually with tragic consequences for humans.
Contemporary Western culture generally subscribes to the notion of agency, free will. In drama, this translates into characters, particularly the principals, who make unforced, un-nudged, autonomous choices. If they don’t have the freedom to make those kinds of choices it’s because of repression on the part of other humans (and human institutions).
So in modern times, the popular preference is for proactive characters to be endowed with the agency, the free will to hook up (or not) with whomever they choose. So, you’ve got your work cut out for you with this scenario. Good luck.
fwiw.
>>> make her a passive protagonist
The logline seems to define a protagonist whose dramatic need is to get with the universe’s program. It reminds me of ancient Greek notion of moira, fate, Humans could propose, but the gods disposed according to their whim and will. And in Greek drama, usually with tragic consequences for humans.
Contemporary Western culture generally subscribes to the notion of agency, free will. In drama, this translates into characters, particularly the principals, who make unforced, un-nudged, autonomous choices. If they don’t have the freedom to make those kinds of choices it’s because of repression on the part of other humans (and human institutions).
So in modern times, the popular preference is for proactive characters to be endowed with the agency, the free will to hook up (or not) with whomever they choose. So, you’ve got your work cut out for you with this scenario. Good luck.
fwiw.
When a series of chance encounters with the lesbian EMT who saved her life made her question her sexual orientation, a button-up obedient pastor’s daughter must choose between a boring life with her dull fianc? and her full of life adventurous soul mate.
When a series of chance encounters with the lesbian EMT who saved her life made her question her sexual orientation, a button-up obedient pastor’s daughter must choose between a boring life with her dull fianc? and her full of life adventurous soul mate.
Waking from a coma, a right-winged Type A experiences a series of chance encounters with the lesbian EMT who rescued her that forces her to question her sexual orientation and her love for her male fianc?e.
Waking from a coma, a right-winged Type A experiences a series of chance encounters with the lesbian EMT who rescued her that forces her to question her sexual orientation and her love for her male fianc?e.
Am not sure what a “…Type A…” is, do you mean blood type? If so this doesn’t help clarify her stakes and goal nor does the political orientation of being a right-wing.
Better to pin up her personal beliefs and innate characteristics against her situation as obstacles to achieving her goal. Personal though not political or physiological these can be used to describe her character but don’t seam to serve the logline in a way that makes it sound like a compelling story.
And there still seems to be a lack of a clear and tangible goal.
Here is an example of what I mean:
After waking from a coma an Amish woman finds herself attracted to the female EMT who rescued her she must now find a way to coexist with her husband and new lover.
Am not sure what a “…Type A…” is, do you mean blood type? If so this doesn’t help clarify her stakes and goal nor does the political orientation of being a right-wing.
Better to pin up her personal beliefs and innate characteristics against her situation as obstacles to achieving her goal. Personal though not political or physiological these can be used to describe her character but don’t seam to serve the logline in a way that makes it sound like a compelling story.
And there still seems to be a lack of a clear and tangible goal.
Here is an example of what I mean:
After waking from a coma an Amish woman finds herself attracted to the female EMT who rescued her she must now find a way to coexist with her husband and new lover.