After witnessing a UFO crash landing, a precocious silver miner’s daughter tries to make sense of her place in the universe. Too bad, she?s brought the alien home with her.
Eljohn MacaranasPenpusher
After witnessing a UFO crash landing, a precocious silver miner’s daughter tries to make sense of her place in the universe. Too bad, she?s brought the alien home with her.
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You have an Inciting Incident, Character, but then it becomes a little lost. Finding her place is the character act, she starts out lost and directionless and through interaction / protection of the alien she has a purpose or meaning a direction in life.
That however isn’t the goal, that change comes from chasing the goal, which is what is missing here.
Is she trying to get the Alien home before the government take it away, is she trying to rebuild the ship. A logline needs to contain a physical goal.
Hope that helps.
Agreed with Knightrider.
I’ll add that loglines are better written with fewer words, so best cut anything extraneous.? “…Too bad, she?s brought the alien home with her.” Can be cut, it’s more of a tagline style clause as it contributes very little to the plot.
On another note, best avoid making this seem too similar to another movie about a young person finding an alien…
Hi Eljohn. I get a sense of scifi dramedy here. I think it’s an original twist to the traditional story of a single woman dealing with raising a child. However, the logline is a bit fuzzy. Making sense of her place in the universe is a bit too vague. I would reinforce the presence of the antagonist. I’m thinking that her family may well play that role, and of course the town where she lives. Cheers.
When she accidentally brings an alien home with her, a precocious country girl must (do this thing) in order to (Stop this bad thing from happening)