Penpusher
Posted: 2012-04-09T04:24:03+10:00

"Alan loves Lizzie. Lizzie loves muscles. The hyper-visible male body ideal collides with one poor boy's love in this dark, romantic tale."

The Edge of Beauty

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    3 Reviews

    1. Steven: “The first 80% of this logline conveys a light, comedic tone. Which is completely at odds with the allegation of this being a ?dark? romance. You can’t have a tonal contradiction in a logline. In addition, there’s little that’s immediately distinct about this story in contrast to all the other unrequited love stories that have already been done. Better to have written: ?Alan steals and doses up on steroids to win the affection of the town Goth. But she does not impress easily. Only by taking macabre risks will she begin to take notice of him.?

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    2. Jack: “We are told this is a dark romantic tale, but it sounds more like a comedy. If Lizzie just loves muscles then we assume she is fairly empty headed. That means we don?t care if Alan doesn?t win her. How about, A sixty kilo weakling tries to grow his muscles to win the girl of his dreams, but_______ .

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    3. Sounds more like a tagline than a logline, and there’s a major difference between the two. Sounds like “hypervisible male body ideal” really means “bodybuilder”, and if so, I’d just say “bodybuilder”. We all know what that is. It doesn’t say enough to back up the statement “dark, romantic tale” which shouldn’t be in a logline anyway. The logline should give one the impression of the genre and tone rather than telling us what the genre and tone are, in my opinion.

      Needs more story substance and clarity, but it seems to be a unique concept not often explored in film. I think the concept is worthy of a much stronger, better developed logline. Good luck with the project!

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