A Greek Orthodox boy falls in love with a Lebanese Muslim girl creating a mismatch made in heaven. Based on the hugely crowd-pleasing play of the same name
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It might be better to write, When a Greek Orthodox boy and a Lebanese Muslim girl fall in love??, then describe the mismatch in an intriguing way. This gives more life to the logline. At the moment it?s a bit flat. – Jack, Judge
A simple boy meets girl story with a simple premise the families will try and stop them getting together.
Catch is every ‘boy meets girl movie’ will have the same description with a different force stopping them getting together.
If perusing a well and truly trodden path such as this be sure to have a whammer of a force stopping them from getting together. As these forces have morphed and changed over time in each new incarnation of the story since good old Willie S from the family to ooze dripping monsters to space and even time it self.
Aside from that the logline itself needs to describe what will either the boy or or girl or boy and girl do to fight the force stopping them and get together rather than what other story’s it is based on.
Hope this helps, Nir.
A Greek Orthodox boy falls in love with a Lebanese Muslim girl creating a mismatch made in heaven. Based on the hugely crowd-pleasing play of the same name
A modern day Romeo and Juliet story. It is often said there are only a handful of genuine stories, and a million different ways to tell them. This is one of those concepts. Sets up some real conflict between the families and the cultures. I think the genre is clear, as well, considering the seriousness of the topic (certainly NOT a rom/com)
The issue is in mentioning the play. Congratulations to you, if you are the original playwright, but it is not fitting to put this in a logline. It reads more like an ad or tagline.
With that gone, you can take that prime real estate and add some more information that will add to the interest and make it much more effective, like additional conflict, or a second obstacle beyond just their cultural. If they each come from powerful families-one high-placed politician’s family, the other perhaps more a violent, anti-gov’t family. Watch the cliches in this, though. It’s easy to fall into that trap. If you feel a clich coming on, flip it, but I’m not sure how the original play “played out”.
Good luck with it. Sounds intriguing.
(judge)
Steven Fernandez – Judge
There is nothing particularly distinctive about either the boy or girl. Sure their religious affiliations are contrasted, but we are told nothing about each person as INDIVIDUALS. You could personalise each character more by describing their key personality traits as well. For example: “a hot-tempered Greek Orthodox boy and a shrewd, entrepreneural, Moslem girl”. Without these individualising touches you might as well speak about a street-sweeper and an opera singer falling in love. In fact, even that is a more interesting set up.
Based on a play isn’t information usually found in a logline. Leave it for the poster.
I find it a little too sparse. The Romeo and Juliet like love story is clear, but what makes this story different? What separates it from the countless other stories of its kind. Without that, there’s simply not enough to catch my interest enough to read the script, or watch the movie.
– Judge, Paul.
Intrigued about the clash of cultures, but please tell me more about the story!
Who is the main character, the boy or the girl? What is her profression, strength and flaw?
What specifically stops them from being together? She’s been betrothed by her parents? His minister forbid it?
What action must these lovebirds take to be together? Elope? Start a fire?
Also, is this a comedy or drama? To me, “mismatch made in heaven” makes it sound comedic… perhaps a religious take on the Odd Couple?
Patrockable, Judge