Penpusher
Posted: 2018-03-13T14:52:27+10:00 In:

Amid a sweltering summer, five different souls first encounter adulthood as gentrification alters their community.

Amid a sweltering summer, five different souls first encounter adulthood as gentrification alters their community.
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    6 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      This logline feels pretty vague – I think it needs a great deal more specificity.

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    2. Mentor

      Yeah not sure, I get the sense this is a story of a reunion where they need to accept change and the gentrification represents the old being replaced with the new.
      However in the current state it isn’t much of a logline.

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    3. Singularity

      The topic of gentrification’s social impact on minority neighborhoods is a worthy one, but? for the purpose of a dramatic film, the topic needs to be framed with a plot.? And it’s better if the plot focused on one particular character.? For more information on plotting,? read “Our Formula” at the top of the web page.

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    4. Singularity

      >>>”encounters fist time adulthood”

      Coming of age stories almost always entail the protagonist being besotted by a? love interest. In this case in keeping with the theme, it ought to be of the star-crossed variety:? a major complication is that she’s the daughter of a very affluent family who are prime movers in the gentrification of the neighborhood.

      His greatest love is sprung from his greatest hate.

      fwiw

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    5. Logliner

      “an ambitious barrister falls in love with the son of a property developer while campaigning to save the town she grew up in from gentrification”

      I think ambitious is the wrong characteristic for the protagonist. Could it be someone who returns from boarding school and finds the town he/she grew up in is changing? Perhaps she returns home because her parents died, leaving her disconnected from her roots, and the local community become the last vestiges of a family she desperately wants to cling to?

      so -? “When her parents die tragically, a young BLANK returns home to find a town in the midst of an identity crisis and joins the fight to save the community she loves, only to fall for the child of the property developer at the centre of the debate”

      adding the element of a gay romance might also help accentuate the themes of conservative vs. progressive values

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    6. Singularity

      >>>she?s a free spirit who remains a beacon of ?motivation? for my protagonist

      Whatever, it’s your story.? But it’s not a star-crossed story unless it seems fated to fail because they come from opposites sides of the track, economically and socially (as in “Romeo & Juliet).? Or fall in love despite having clashing personality temperaments and opposing interests and beliefs about the central issue.? If he’s inspired by her, it should be because he wants to prove her wrong, convert her to his point of view. As she wants to prove him wrong, convert him to his point of view.?

      The best love stories are also arguments over the terms of endearment.

      fwiw

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