Amidst a country-wide epidemic where people are gradually fading away from existence, a downbeat poet struggles to compose an ode to save his fading father, but must deal with his overbearing mother who is hell bent on sending him abroad.

“Amidst a country-wide epidemic where people are gradually fading away from existence, a downbeat poet struggles to compose an ode to save his fading father, but must deal with his overbearing mother who is hell bent on sending him abroad.”

An inciting incident should be a singular, specific event. So how does “Amidst a country-wide epidemic where people are gradually fading away from existence” translate into an event which motivates the main character to pursue his goal? A specific event, such as his father almost disappearing, or something. As an example, in Star Wars the inciting incident is when Luke returns home and finds his family murdered.

How does making an ode save his father? What does poetry have to do with this epidemic?

Now for the antagonist. Why does the mother want to send him abroad? If he can save his father, why wouldn’t she want him to do that? What motivates the mother? Something I do is to make a separate logline from the antagonist’s perspective, detailing their motivation and goal.

The problem I see with your story is that it seems to have three completely different stories, and the logline fails to satisfactorily tie them together into a cohesive narrative. A logline is used to sell the premise of a script to a producer, so they will want to read it. Having a confusing and unfocused logline won’t get far.

However, I see potential in your logline. There’s one element that could be a strong hook: The epidemic making people fade from existence. It raises a multitude of questions I would like to see answered onscreen, but the logline doesn’t focus on that. To be blunt, the logline simply gets boring. Why would I want to watch someone try to write a poem when there’s the mystery of why these people are disappearing? Why do I care that his mother wants him to go to boarding school?

I suggest focusing the logline on the most interesting part. The goal of preventing his father from fading away from existence is a compelling and interesting goal, but I think you need to find an exciting and compelling action he undergoes to achieve it.

I hope this helps.