An accomplished Nigerian scam artist, beset by his conscience after his latest victim commits suicide, decides to quit the game but there is one last score.
lalahdgoonerPenpusher
An accomplished Nigerian scam artist, beset by his conscience after his latest victim commits suicide, decides to quit the game but there is one last score.
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One last score against who, involving what?? ?Specifically,? what is his objective goal?? “One last score” is vague — it hides the game ball.? A logline should show the game ball, not hide it; it needs to clearly state the object and/or objective that everyone is fighting over.
And why? Obviously, his conscience doesn’t beset him? enough.? Why is that??The suicide doesn’t seem to qualify as an inciting incident if he keeps on doing what he was doing before .? What is the specific inciting incident that motivates him to go for one last score?
I know this is completely different, but your logline got me thinking.
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“After his latest victim commits suicide, a Nigerian scam artist goes straight and starts his own legitimate business, only to find the government officials and unions he must deal with are more corrupt than he ever was.”
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The ‘one last job’?movie has been done a lot, (Which is okay, but needs a strong hook for it to work) but what about a con-man who goes straight, only to find the seedy hoops you have to jump through to start a ‘legitimate’ business’ is more of a scam than his old life.