An aged bounty hunter returns to town to pay respects to his deceased son, but makes himself a target when he offers to pay his son’s debt owed to his son’s murderers.
GeneSalvittiLogliner
An aged bounty hunter returns to town to pay respects to his deceased son, but makes himself a target when he offers to pay his son’s debt owed to his son’s murderers.
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The different parts of this puzzle don’t seem to fit well together.
Why would a man pay his son’s killer anything? The deed has been done.
Why would the father become a target as a result of offering to pay the money?? There is no logic to him becoming a target.
What is it he wants? What is the goal that comes about of him becoming the target himself?
Sorry for the negativity, only I think there is a fundamental problem with the logic behind the premise. However, it could be that I miss understood the logline, which could imply another problem all together.
Also, just my opinion but you’ve written “son” too many times I think.
Maybe, just maybe, your logline could be something like:
When an aged bounty hunter returns to town, he becomes the target of his son’s murderer, to whom debt has to be paid.
Though thinking about it, it wouldn’t make much sense for him to be the target since the murderer might want his money back at one point and since he already killed the son…
Who is targeting him for death? ?Who is the antagonist? And why is the antagonist offended by the offer to pay off the debt?
Riffing off Dkpough1’s excellent advice in another thread, what would a logline for this story look like written from the antagonist’s pov?