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oceanlegendsPenpusher
Posted: December 5, 20182018-12-05T12:39:33+10:00 2018-12-05T12:39:33+10:00In: Fantasy

An aged out of foster care is victim of psychic attacks on his path to become rich in the city of poker while a group of magic bandids plot to heist the casino.

An aged out of foster care is victim of psychic attacks on his path to become rich in the city of poker while a group of magic bandids plot to heist the casino.
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    1. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2018-12-05T15:42:25+10:00Added an answer on December 5, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      What does “…an aged out of foster care…” mean?

      Clarity is important in a logline, and you can’t afford to have one word out of place.

      Describe the psychic attacks instead of just stating that they take place. Otherwise, it’s unclear what happens in this story.

      Best if you describe the first attack and use that as your inciting event.

      Lastly, becoming rich is rather superficial, is there another goal you could give the main character?

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