Honor amongst Wolves
An aging mafia boss struggles to enforce the family code of honor, as leadership switches from him to his more ruthless – greedy – unprincipled son.
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I’ve been waiting and waiting, hoping and hoping – now here it is: “The Godfather 4”. Can’t wait to see this movie!!
Wow I didn’t expect that kind of praise at all! I really appreciate it!!!
I’ve decided to change the logline a little bit to make the conflict less internal and more external and also introduce possibly more irony.
Revised logline: An honorable mafia boss struggles to maintain the peace between his and rival families, as leadership switches from him to his more ruthless – greedy – unprincipled son.
Thoughts?
Further revision:
New Logline: An aging mafia boss struggles to maintain inter-family peace, as leadership switches from him to his more ruthless ? greedy ? unprincipled son.
Where is the story set (country, city)?
… Give me the same thing only DIFFERENT.
The story would be set in New York.
But the more and more I think about it I want to write this hugely epic mafia movie. But I want to keep it relatable by telling a a story about a man who is afraid of what his legacy will be – and whether he has been a good father.
Something on the scale of The Godfather, but whereas that movie focused more on the son (Michael) and less on his father (Vitto). I want to write a screenplay that concentrates more on the father.
With that revelation the story now becomes entirely different.
NEW LOGLINE: A mafia boss – dying from cancer – struggles to deal with his treacherous relatives while grooming his son to take control of his empire.
Protagonist: remains the mafia boss
Goal: To ensure his son is able to competently run the family business after he is gone.
Antagonist: Other family members who want power for themselves and want the mafia boss and his son out of the picture.
The construction of this logline was heavily influenced by many of the examples in Lockharts logline library. Reading through his library I’ve come to notice many of the examples he lists don’t have clear goals or antagonists outlined in their loglines – or at least they not in your face, clearly evident e.g. the logline for Australia, Fred Claus, Ghost World etc.. But I do believe my logline does meet all 3 of the criteria that Lockhart provides.
The idea of a mafia boss dying and desperately trying to help his son to secure the legacy is very interesting and can make for a really good film.
There are a few problems with the latest draft of the logline. The biggest problem is the lack of a clear goal.
This – “Goal: To ensure his son is able to competently run the family business after he is gone.” does not constitute a goal rather an ambition. The reason is that it is not something a camera can film it is an opinion the MC will have as a result of his son doing something.
How will the mafia boss know beyond doubt that his son is ready? What is the definitive moment or action that convinces him? This will be the MC’s goal.
Why now? Why not 10 years ago or ten years from now? Was he given an approximate time to live? What is the inciting incident that makes him need to secure his successor?
Perhaps best to specify that after he was diagnosed with terminal cancer he needs to?
In this way being told he is dying made him take action.
“…struggles to deal with?” is one of the more commonly used descriptions of action in loglines that don’t help a concept. Reason is all characters struggle to deal with something or other in their own unique way but what makes a character interesting is the unique set of circumstances he or she is in and the unique action they take.
Therefore what is it the mafia boss actually does with or to “…his treacherous relatives?”? Kills them? Gets them arrested? Has them sent to Siberia?
But If one specific family member is the antagonist specify him or her and make them the obstacle.
On that note are the relatives important enough to the plot to be mentioned in the logline? If the story is about the mafia boss grooming his son then the relatives are juts a complication B or C plot at best and don’t need to be mentioned in the logline.
There appears to be little inner journey for the MC in the logline whilst not crucial it may help distinguish this from the many other mafia movies that have been made already. What is the MC flaw?
Hope this helps.
Good logline. A good story about integrity.
Isn’t this The Godfather?