Logliner
Posted: 2020-04-06T11:12:29+10:00 In:

An alluring Irish banker who is terminally ill must race against time to convince her ex-boyfriend and American baseball star that her 10-year-old daughter is his.

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    4 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Pretty solid logline and a good storyline.

      As for the rest, the reader will have to assume that there will be obstacles placed in the lead characters’ way that prevent her from simply calling him up.

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    2. Singularity

      Word it so the illness discovery becomes the inciting event – After being told she has six months to live…

      On logic, I’m not sure about the legalities, but isn’t there a DNA test they can do to determine these things? And seeing as these are extreme circumstances, wouldn’t there be a legal obligation to do the test?

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    3. Mentor

      In what sexist world is a terminally ill woman “alluring”? What illness makes a woman nearing her deathbed, look, according to Oxford, “mysteriously attractive; seductive”? And to whom? Closet necrophiliacs?

      Please, try to dignify a woman facing death with some words conveying the strength and depth of her character …

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    4. Singularity

      Why? So she convinces him, then what?? What is her end-of-life, end game, her ultimate objective?? Isn’t it to get the guy to adopt her?

      These days it’s relatively easy to establish paternity by a DNA test.? Even if he refuses to submit to a DNA test, she can covertly obtain a DNA sample by, say, saliva on a cup or bottle the guy discards.? Cops do it all the time.? And being a banker, isn’t she rich enough to be able to hire a PI to do just that?

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