Penpusher
Posted: 2016-05-26T14:49:29+10:00 In:

An ambitious reporter determined to fast-track her career manipulates a masked vigilante to create her stories.

An ambitious reporter determined to fast-track her career manipulates a masked vigilante to create her stories.
Share

    Post a review

    You must login to add an answer.

    To see everything,

    4 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      All great points for me to consider as I go back and rework this logline, especially with the intended direction of my story not coming across effectively. Thanks for your time and comments. It’s greatly appreciated.

      • 0
    2. Singularity

      I think this could be a very interesting story about 2 people who cooperate to advance their own selfish interests with unintended and ever more dangerous consequences.

      However, the logline needs a clear statement of her objective goal. ?Why does she want to create more stories? ? Obviously, for fame and fortune, to advance her own career, right?

      And there’s got to be something in the scheme for the vigilante, too. ?He’s got to have a want, a need that she can exploit. ?What is it?

      ?

      • 0
    3. Singularity

      This premise sounds very interesting and has potential, but as mentioned by Dkpough1 the logline lacks detail.

      Another problem with the logline is that it doesn’t specify?a main character. The reporter’s manipulation of the vigilante makes for the vigilante’s?inciting incident not her’s, yet the logline describes her goal – to jump start her career, but it’s the main character’s goal that needs to be mentioned in the logline and none else’s. So we have her goal and the vigilante’s inciting incident – this is confusing.

      If she is the main character, perhaps best to give her a reason to need to take this drastic action? Why not make her boss demote or fire her? This way, in order to get her position back, she forces the vigilante to do something but as a result of a significant event not just a whim.

      However if the vigilante is the main character best to describe him or her as such, in other words describe the reporter as the antagonist who forces the vigilante into this unusual position.

      Either way the logline still needs to describe a specific goal, this could be as simple as to take down the biggest mob boss in town, but it still needs to be specified.

      • 0
    4. Uberwriter

      This logline is too vague. How does she manipulate the vigilante? What does she manipulate the vigilante into doing?
      Maybe it’s just me, but to me “ambitious reporter” implies that she wants the big scoop, to rise up through the ranks, willing to do quite a bit to do. I’m just not sure “determined to fast-track her career” is necessary and could removed to shorter the logline.
      My suggestion: An ambitious reporter blackmails a masked vigilante to fight fake criminals in order to get new stories. (~17 words)
      I used the fake criminals part because you don’t specify in your logline. I think this logline is alright without an inciting incident, but perhaps one could help.
      Something like: When an ambitious reporter’s job is threatened by the competition she must blackmail a masked vigilante into fighting fake criminals in order to create new stories. (~26 words)
      This gives an actual, relatable reason for the reporter to do what she’s doing, because her job is in danger and she’s desperate.
      Hope this helps.

      • 0