When an angel is brutalized by two racist police officers, he finds himself in a face to face confrontation with his estranged daughter that will decide the fate of humanity.
CLAY53Penpusher
When an angel is brutalized by two racist police officers, he finds himself in a face to face confrontation with his estranged daughter that will decide the fate of humanity.
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Agreed with Dkpough1.
It seems as though you’ve got a few things you’re trying to force into a story, and it seems as though they’re not gelling well together.
What’s the most important aspect of the story as for as you’re concerned? Is it saving humanity? Is it telling the story of a brutalized angel? Is it the father daughter dynamic?
“When an angel is brutalized by two racist police officers, he finds himself in a face to face confrontation with his estranged daughter that will decide the fate of humanity.” (30 words)
This version seems to be better than the previous.
Protagonist: “an angel” —> How does an angel get hurt by humans? Why is he on Earth? Aside from that, the logline tells a reader very little about the protagonsit.
Antagonist: His daughter? The logline doesn’t clearly imply or describe an antagonist.
Goal: “decide the fate of humanity.” —> The logline doesn’t describe an objective goal. What specific outcome does the protagonist try to make happen? That’s what the logline should describe. Rather than “decide the fate of humanity” the logline should describe exactly the fate he’s seeking to make a reality.
Inciting incident: “When an angel is brutalized by two racist police officers” —> How does this event lead to the protagonist having to decide humanity’s fate? The inciting incident should the direct cause of the protagonist’s goal.