An anomaly opens a portal which brings three people from different time periods under one roof to deal with the alien race that monitors the universe for inferior race development.
Haiduc AndreiLogliner
An anomaly opens a portal which brings three people from different time periods under one roof to deal with the alien race that monitors the universe for inferior race development.
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Below is the longer version:
An anomaly caused by a butter sandwich melting the nuclear fission core of a testing facility disrupts the lives of two young men and teleports them in the newly acquired old house that belongs to a computer geek. They arrive from different time periods. The first one is sharp, calculated and strict, the next likes to drink and party and the house?s owner is a computer addict who doesn?t really know when it?s night or day. The anomaly is detected by an extraterrestrial warrior race who doesn?t think humankind is prepared to deal with it and clumsy Ain (one the throne heirs) is happily sent by his father to correct the problem.
>>>to deal with the alien race
>>>to correct the problem
Vague. ?How does that translate into a specific objective goal for the protagonist? ?And who in this menagerie of characters is the protagonist, anyway? ?A logline should be built around the protagonist, ?not the supporting characters. ?Anyone reading the logline should immediately know who the protagonist is, who is in the driver’s seat of the story.
Confusing.
The longer version has many details that are unrelated to each other. Simplify the plot.
Who is the main character? What is his flaw? Not the two guys, who is the one character the story is about.
What is the first thing that happens – an anomaly appears. This is a Star Treck stock standard description for anything too vague for the writers to waste time on. For a film, however, clarity is a must.
The reason and manner in which the anomaly appears is less relevant, it’s the specific nature of the anomaly that matters most. What type of anomaly? A time vortex? An interdimensional portal? etc…
As a result of the anomaly, what must the MC do? “…deal with the aliens…” is too vague, what specifically must the MC do?
You haven’t told us what the aliens want, What are the stakes?
Also, what is the actual goal of the protagonist (s)??
Thank you all for the feedback. I’ll rewrite the logline?using the advice received and I will post it again.
Three strangers brought together from different time period ?have 24 hours to convince an alien race that humanity is worthy of being saved.