Logliner
Posted: 2016-07-08T04:10:35+10:00 In:

An arrogant, popular high school homophobe, plagued by a series of bizarre electrical mishaps, struggles to overcome what he believes is a curse and, after he discovers a conspiracy that threatens their town, must work with gay and lesbian teen witches who despise him. [One-hour primetime series, Veronica Mars meets Charmed]

An arrogant, popular high school homophobe, plagued by a series of bizarre electrical mishaps, struggles to overcome what he believes is a curse and, after he discovers a conspiracy that threatens their town, must work with gay and lesbian teen witches who despise him. [One-hour primetime series, Veronica Mars meets Charmed]
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    3 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      “An arrogant, popular high school homophobe, plagued by a series of bizarre electrical mishaps, struggles to overcome what he believes is a curse and, after he discovers a conspiracy that threatens their town, must work with gay and lesbian teen witches who despise him.”

      The last sentence, that’s what you need to describe. Work with them to do?what?

      Example:?A?homophobic teenager must work with gay and lesbian witches to…

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    2. Singularity

      This version of the logline offers a potentially interesting ?alliance of odd and incompatible characters. ?However, as Dkpough noted, the characters join forces for no specified purpose — there is no shared objective goal. ?The only stated struggle is to overcome what he believes to be a curse. ?

      What must he do about the conspiracy?

      Also, I’m guessing that ?”a series of?series of bizarre electrical mishaps” has something to do with his superpowers. ?That?leaves me confused rather than curious as to what those are. ?But I’ve flogged that horse before. ?’Nuf said.

      ?

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    3. Singularity

      The latest draft of this logline adds more adjectives, but not detail and plot points.

      As DPG said, the super power he gets is unclear and as a super hero story it needs to be very clear.

      Secondly I still don’t see the connection between the elements you’re describing:
      The MC getting super-powers doesn’t relate to the discovery of a conspiracy, a conspiracy doesn’t necessarily mean a threat to a whole town, the threat doesn’t relate to a group of gay and lesbian teenagers and their being gay and lesbians doesn’t relate to their magic powers.
      Lastly, what does he NEED to achieve in this first episode, and how will a group of teenage magicians help him achieve this goal?

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