A special effects man decides to rob a bank in order to save his daughter who has leukemia.

“…An aspiring Hollywood filmmaker…” why specifically a filmmaker in Hollywood? How does this inform the character?

Well, if he gets revenge there’s not much of a story is there… Perhaps he tries to get revenge in a unique way, regardless, revenge is a negative goal. It would be best to give him something positive to pursue.

Goal aside, the logline isn’t structured correctly. Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information on logline basics.