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Tony ByrdPenpusher
A college student is plagued with premonitions of trying to stop a space shuttle explosion that might kill him and his friends.
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{An college student discovers a plague of visions through a premonition that he and his friends are going to die in a spaceflight disaster}
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A plague of visions would be a premonition So you can drop one or the other.
Also, you can drop the word Discovers, it doesn’t make any sense, You can’t really discover a plague of visions, you would have (or receive) a plague of visions.
“A college student is plagued with premonitions in which he and his friends die in spaceflight.”?
Now that the logline is shorter, you can add the lead character’s goal to the logline… what does the lead character plan to do about these visions?
He plans on saving others.
My take on it..
When a former astronaut is plagued by increasingly real nightmares that the next space shuttle will explode – he sets out to stop it from happening.
Thing I changed and why:
– The teen part is very close to Final Destination. But I dunno, I couldn’t figure why they were close to a space shuttle (?).
– An astronaut with access to this place and knows people on the space shuttle makes this story close to home and primal.
Admittedly – the obstacle of stopping the space shuttle. I dunno – needs to be more formidable. Perhaps he’s a disgraced astronaut with a history of delusions or something?
Sounds similar to Take Shelter now ha.
Anyways – food for thought. Feel free to discard this ha.
I kind of like this idea.