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thedarkhorseSamurai
An ex-con, out to kill a reformed paedophile, falls for the man?s protective sister.
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Darkhorse:
I think you have a potentially interesting story.? But I still think it’s makes more sense emotionally, makes for a stronger story if he was the victim of the man he seeks to kill.? It is also more congruent with the your stated theme of forgiveness.
That’s my 2.5 cents worth.
If you don’t see it that way, well, it’s your story. Write the version you want to write.? I have nothing more to contribute other than to repeat that that the logline needs to clearly state the protagonist was the victim of sexual abuse.
The film asks the questions: can people can change? Is forgiveness possible?
This ex-con is caught between a heavy past and an uncertain future. It’s about his transformation from dark and murderous to somewhat merciful.
Also – both the ex-con and paedophile’s journeys mirror each other – both mid-40s, both done prison time, outsiders in their hometown, both with stained reputations, etc. Lastly – both of their resolve to “stay on the straight and narrow” is broken down and tested by everyone around them.
(The paedophile being immediately responsible for the ex-con’s ghost/circle of being seems I dunno – on the nose. I want it to be ambiguous why he’s going after this man he’s never met but only heard about it.
We learn with seeds throughout what happened to our ex-con and why he feels killing this man might set him free.)
The scary part is when the ex-con sees his own struggles (to move on with life) in the reformed paedophile and begins to emphathize with him.
Now, while the ex-con slowly begins to soften, the sister is the one who hardens – steadily believing her blood ties/loyalty to her brother has essentially ruined her life. (Thwarted relationships, moving from town to town, she carries his burden.) We’re made to question why she’s so loyal.
Lastly: there’s complications throughout – from the reformed paedophile gets a job at the same factory as the ex-con, the ex-con (who in the midst of his 360 into being a merciful guy) actually defends this man from a vicious beating, and then this reversal is challenged when a “rumour” about the paedophile circulates and spreads throughout the town.
The ex-con was molested by a family friend – who died when he was in prison. So yeah – he never got closure, he never got to kill this man himself.
Back home, his neighbour (the reformed paedophile) is a recluse, watching people from his window. This plants a few seeds in the ex-con.
Meanwhile, everyone around the ex-con is pushing him/breaking him down/making him want to go back to prison.
By killing this man – it’s two birds with one stone.
Meanwhile, he steadily gets closer to the loyal, protective sister. The only one to show him kindness and warmth throughout the film.
By killing this man, he will be forever trapped in the past/and his past demons. He lets his past win.
By not killing this man, perhaps he can move on.?
“Abusive past”? is? general.? It’s not clear that he was sexaully abused.? He could have been physically abused — beaten — by a tyrannical father.? Or emotionally abused by a lousy mother.? Or both in combination.
In order for the reader to understand his motivation, you gotta be specific.
And I stand? by my previous suggestion.
I think it would be more dramatically compelling if he was a youthful victim of the man he wants to kill.? Now the stakes are personal.? And now the audience can more readily sympathize with his motivation.? And it heightens the conflict between his feelings for the man and his feelings for the sister.
fwiw
Perhaps I should mention his past?
How about this one:
An ex-con, with an abusive past, sets out to kill the reformed paedophile next-door, only to fall for the man’s protective sister.
He was molested as a child – and can’t let it go.
From that moment on – he was a violent man. In and out of prison… etc.
As he’s just getting his life back together, and trying to move forward – this reformed paedophile next door (who he witnesses watching children from his window) is something of a trigger.
Why does the ex-con feel he MUST murder the pedophile given that he’s reformed?? Why would an audience be sympathize with his goal?
Longer version: An ex-con sets out to kill a reformed paedophile, only to fall for the man’s protective sister.