Penpusher
Posted: 2025-10-28T06:47:09+10:00 In:

‘An Executive Business man arrives home at two in the morning, to the worry of his daughter, who finds he has not come home quite the same.’

‘An Executive Business man arrives home at two in the morning, to the worry of his daughter, who finds he has not come home quite the same.’
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    1 Review

    1. Penpusher

      Hi Julian. I’m new here and this is my very first review 🙂
      I feel that you can make this one a little more intriguing. I see that this will be a horror story, but i didnt get the feeling of it when reading it.
      “An executive business man” doesn’t tell me a lot about your character. Is he an obsessive Executive? A very strict one? A sweet and condescending one? Adding a powerful adjective -that may show his flaw, may make the character more intriguing.
      Is the 2 am relevant? If you remov eit, i dont feel that I miss anything.
      “He has not come home quite the same” – That’s intriguing but a little vague. I think.
      I hope this can help.

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