An indigenous ward of the state is released from juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated, unless he helps them with a heist.
bennyLogliner
An indigenous ward of the state is released from juvenile prison and fostered to a reputable white family who threaten to lie to his parole officer and get him incarcerated, unless he helps them with a heist.
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You both raise good points thank you.
I agree with Nir Shelter. ? A?protagonist needs to be proactive, but in this case, the logline only reveals a ?character who is?acted upon rather than acting, a victim of others rather than a active ?agent of his own life.
Given the situation, what becomes his objective goal? ?What does he intend to do about the predicament he finds himself in?
This logline lacks a goal and therefore a plot.
The first half of the logline is backstory and can be cut. The event that starts the story is the family’s threat – as a result, he must choose what to do. However, this only gives him a dilemma it doesn’t motivate him to take action, what is it he does as a result of the threat? This would be his goal and is vital for the logline.
Furthermore, it isn’t clear who specifically issues the threat. Does the whole family approach him as one? Is it the mother? The father?
Lastly, the premise isn’t logical. Why does he not simply tell his parole officer himself? What have the family got that prevents him from telling the police and saving himself?
This is a review of a previous logline.