An intellectual farmer, escaping his rigid community whilst protecting his collapsing heritage, consorts with charismatic mystics whose growing fanaticism threatens his romantic relationship and farm, forcing him to oppose them and confront his alienation.

I am sympathetic to the farmers situation as I grew up as an “intellectual farm boy” and know well the feelings of repression and alienation.

However, this logline simultaneously juggles too many balls, too many objective problems and subjective issues:
*A rigid community
*A collapsing heritage (I presume that means the farm is bleeding money, on the verge of bankruptcy)
*Fanatical charismatics
*A romantic relationship

A script can juggle several balls, but a logline must only juggle one:? the primary objective goal that drives the plot.? What is the farmer’s singular objective goal, the spine on which everything else hangs?

And what is the specific inciting incident that triggers him to pursue that goal?

And I, for one, have a hard time buying into a situation where an? rational”intellectual” consorts with irrational “charismatics”.? ?It feels incongruous. Why would he consort with people who so incompatible with? his own temperament?? What is it about the charismatics that hooks into his psyche?

fwiw

Goyonder:

It is not insignificant that the central character in a plot is? called the protagonist.? Because the job of the central character is to move??proactively towards his objective goal.? Alas, the central character in your plot is a “reactionist” — for the bulk of the story he seems to be reacting to others and to his own negative feelings of alienation,.? I get the impression this he is casting about for an affirmative objective goal for the bulk of the 2nd Act when he should be pursuing one.

It seems to me that one of the defining characteristics of an objective goal is that it is affirmative.? ?That is the character, in effect,? says, “Yes,! This is what I want and I’m going after it”.?

But the farmer’s action line seems to be largely negative.? He’s saying, in effect: “No! This is not what I want.”

As a result of the inciting incident, what does he want to do?? What is his “Yes!” statement or intention?

If “finds kinship” is the inciting incident, that triggers main action line, the plot, “Oppose them” doesn’t qualify as his objective goal because it is negative, rather than affirmative. And it is reactive rather than proactive.? He’s responding to their “proactivity”, when they should be? reacting to his “proactivity”.?

And it is vague. We have no idea how he will oppose them.? And we have no idea what affirmative objective goal the foreigners are blocking him from achieving.

“Relinquish his ancestral land” is not an objective goal — it’s a denouement, an act of surrender rather than an achievement of success.? And “embrace his true identity” relates to his subjective need.? Subjective needs are a subtext to the script proper, but a logline concerns about the objective goal.

A logline needs to lay out an objective goal.? And defining characteristics of an objective goal are that is? proactive and it is also??affirmative. Proactive in that it is what the protagonist decides to do in spite of hostile circumstances and obstacles.? Affirmative in that he is saying, implicitly or explicitly, “Yes! This is what I want and I’m going to get it.”

fwiw