TERMINAL feels like “Limitless” and plays with ideas of virtually controlled logistics operations for black market political movements.
GeschwindtPenpusher
An international smuggling maverick risks everything on an project that could catapult him into the big leagues, if his competition doesn't catch up with him first..
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I like it but can you be more specific on what the project is and what the maverick’s goal is as well as who his competition (antagonist) is?
Phrases like “risk everything on a project” and “if his competition doesn’t catch up with him first” are a little too vague, and don’t give us much information on what the movie is about.
I agree; more specificity with regard to the specifics of the job is paramount, particularly considering that this sounds like a wonderfully nuts-and-bolts caper film with lots of authentic (and specific) logistical detail. You could possibly sacrifice the “catapult him to the big leagues” part if you needed the space, and simply describe who the maverick is, exactly what the job is, and who he’s up against.
On the technical side, “an project” needs to be “a project”, I reckon you could lose the comma after “big leagues” and why are there two full stops at the end? Perfect technique is a cornerstone of loglines – who wants to read the script of a writer who can’t even get a sentence right?
Thanks. Yes I wish I could edit out the typos. Didn’t realize that revisions were impossible until it was too late. That won’t happen again.
Overall good criticism while indicating a good understanding of the tone or type of story implied. Even though there’s room for improvement, it’s good to know it conveyed the right message.