An Iraqi war vet, who discovers he was not born American, is caught by ICE. They promise him citizenship if he helps bring down a syndicate of birth certificate forgers. . But they renege and deport him to Guatemala, where gangs chase him on a harrowing journey back to the US to reunite with his family.
TGSPenpusher
An Iraqi war vet, who discovers he was not born American, is caught by ICE. They promise him citizenship if he helps bring down a syndicate of birth certificate forgers. . But they renege and deport him to Guatemala, where gangs chase him on a harrowing journey back to the US to reunite with his family.
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TGS:
Thanks for the clarification. ? ?Have you considered writing a script based upon or at least “inspired by” a real veteran’s struggle to get back to the US and win legal status after he has been deported?
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Or if you prefer to pursue a fictional character and story line than I suggest he not just be an Iraqi vet — but a decorated vet, one who served with valor and distinction. ?This instantly makes him a more sympathetic character.
fwiw
So is the main action of the story him getting back to the family or him gaining a citizenship? These feel like two separate plots, which one is the story going to focus on?
Hint, it can’t be both, you need to choose one plot unified under the pursuite of one goal.
Okay, second crack at it:
An Iraqi war vet, who thought he was born American, is betrayed by an ICE agent and deported to Guatemala where he embarks on a harrowing journey determined to return back to the US to reunite with his family and earn citizenship.
(The deportation segment of the script is based on the story of a vet I interviewed for another project who did not know he was born outside the US. He was swept up in a raid and put in for rapid deportation so he could not testify. He filed suit from Mexico and has recently returned to the US. Prior to 9/11, the databases contained a large number of fake social security numbers that were not detected by the military when he enlisted. More than 1500 undocumented Iraqi and Afghan war vets have been deported to date. )
The story is all over the place; it lacks unity of action. ?Also the character is the victim of circumstances. ?A protagonist is supposed to the ?proactive agent of his own plot purpose, not a helpless pawn in other people’s plot.
And then there is the fact that one need not be a US citizen to enlist. ?A recruit who is a legally resident alien is good enough to become GI cannon fodder. ? So the fact he was not born on American soil is not, perforce, grounds to be deported ?And his lack of legal status ?should have been discovered during the background check when he enlisted. ?Why is it coming up now since both ICE and the military would be validating his legal status against the same databases?
If the MC’s? inciting incident is discovering his lack of a US citizenship then his goal should be getting one, therefore, reuniting with his family is not the best choice of goal. He can reunite with them in many other countries, the point is that there seems to be a disconnect in the logic that causally binds the inciting incident and goal.
Secondly, on the matter of logic, I’m not sure it’s possible to enlist unless one is a citizen. How could he have gone through life and a military service without being a citizen?
Tgs, this is not a logline (hook) but rather a plot summary. While you definitely pack a lot of unique ?issues in a small paragraph, you are basically mentioning a static character who has a bunch of things happening to him. He is not coming off as active. This is a problem.