This is for a series. Posted a (shitty) version of this previously and now trying to get this correct before the end of the year.
HallucigeniaPenpusher
An obsessive, but genius inventor, struggles against government, corporate, and personal obstacles after he builds the first faster-than-light spaceship and attempts to break humanity out of a cycle of increasingly devastating wars.
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A truly relevant premise in our time, here are my suggestions:
1. Can protag “inventor” change to an e.g., SpaceX aerospace engineer? As I write, NASA aerospace engineer Harold G. White works to develop faster-than-light travel aka a Warp Drive.
2. Change faster-than-light to warp drive to tractor beam more, Sci-fi nerds, to your premise 😉
3. Obstacles are required, but using the word is vague, you need an e.g., baddie nation out to get this tech OR something personally insurmountable – as your obstacle.
4. The word “attempts” turns your premise into a wet noodle. “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try – Yoda”
5. Finally, as a human collective, wherever we go “Mars” there will be war. Ask yourself, how would YOU attempt to change or prevent to achieve this utopia, then distill that down as a compelling goal.
Hallucigenia, these are only suggestions – this is your story.
Happy New Year!
As stated, this is for a SERIES.
1 – No. It’s set in the 22nd century in an atompunk universe.
2 – No. I AM a sci fi nerd.
3 – No. Because it is a SERIES and there are different corporations, governments, weirdness that are antagonists in each episode.
4 – See the ALTs.
5 – WTF are you even talking about? Person: presents a square. You: I like pasta.
To clarify #5, your goal is to “break humanity out of a cycle of increasingly devastating wars” but wherever humans go – we bring war. I was genuinely curious about your take on how this goal can be achieved.
Good day.
And that’s a major theme in the series. Not something to be ANSWERED in a logline, but raised because answering that is part of what the series is about.
ALT II:
An obsessive inventor struggles against political, legal, and personal obstacles after he builds the first faster-than-light spaceship in an attempt to break humanity out of a cycle of increasingly devastating wars across the solar system.
ALT:
An obsessive, but genius inventor, struggles against political, legal, and personal obstacles after he builds the first faster-than-light spaceship in an attempt to break humanity out of a cycle of increasingly devastating wars.