Logliner
Posted: 2016-10-31T19:44:52+10:00 In:

An overly curious high-school boy, has to reveal the killer of a flawless homicide, with his newfound psychic power, before the murderer, who also possess such power, finds him first and kills him along with his family, in a run and chase in both sub-concious and physical world.

An overly curious high-school boy, has to reveal the killer of a flawless homicide, with his newfound psychic power, before the murderer, who also possess such power, finds him first and kills him along with his family, in a run and chase in both sub-concious and physical world.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      This is an improved version from previous one you’ll find below. Tell me what you think guys!

      Thanks!

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    2. Singularity

      “Reveal the killer”– what does that mean? ?Reveal to who? ?His girl friend? ?His parents? ?The school principal? ?Post it on Facebook? ?Twitter? ?Or go to ?the police? ?I’m guessing the last so just say so.

      ?But does that mean that after discovering the presence and powers of the killer, it’s going to take him the entire 2nd Act, 60 pages or more, to do ?what it’s so obvious he should do by page 30? What is ?his objective goal that drives the entire 2nd Act. What is the story really about? ?What’s your hook?

      Based on your loglines, I’m guessing you are particularly interested in stories with a strong psychological focus, intrapsychic conflicts. ?And that’s cool. ?So am I. ? The hook for me in this story is the promise of the premise to deliver scenes of?a “run and chase in both sub-conscious and physical world.” ?That is a film I would like to see.

      But to get it made you will need to get your script read. ?And to get it read you need ?a logline ?with a clear and compelling statement of his objective ?goal. ?What he needs to do externally do prevail internally.

      Stripped down to the bare bones essence, what , in 30 words or less,?is this story all about?

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    3. Singularity

      How about something along the lines of:

      When a teenager using his psychic powers to score with girls accidentally tunes into the mind of a psychopath who fantasizes torturing and killing one, he must find and stop him before he acts it out.

      Okay, not less than 30 words. ?But not more than 40 either. ?Anyway, given that the essence of a character arc is to go from a negative valence to a positive one, it would be better if the kid starts out squandering his psychic abilities on selfish pursuits. ?Maybe his psychic powers have newly emerged with puberty; he’s like a kid playing with a new toy (negative). ?His character arc would be to grow up and use them as a tool for selfless good (positive).

      So initially he uses his gifts to do foolish things like cheat on tests (by reading the mind of the nerd in the next row) and score with girls. And then he tunes into the brain waves of someone who likewise wants to score with girls — in the worst possible way. ? He is able to visualize the psychopath’s fantasies.

      And then–worse–he begins to feel?the erotic desire underscoring the sadistic fantasy. ?That’s the psychopath invading his mind, tapping into the inner, latent psychopathology in his own unconscious — aka: his Shadow, for those who dig the depth psychology of CG Jung.

      fwiw

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    4. Singularity

      Good suggestion by DPG.

      I think combing psychic powers as a subject matter with a thriller genre is great – it sounds interesting. However, you need to integrate the psychic powers elements into the fabric of the story. DPG’s rework is a good place to start, but I believe can be improved on.
      No offense DPG, lots of respect for you and you know it!

      How about him having murderous urges himself. He uses his psychic powers to find the best victim for his first kill, but discovers someone else is like him. Then once in the other student’s twisted mind he sees how bad it is, and undergoes a fundamental change as a person – he now feels the need to protect people from the killer and goes after him. This gives you a mid act 2 reversal combined with a powerful inner journey to overcome a major character flaw.

      For example:
      After a psychic sociopath witnesses visions of a brutal murder in a fellow high school student’s mind, he feels compelled to protect the intended victims by stopping the killer.

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