Logliner
Posted: 2017-06-13T17:52:29+10:00 In:

Another rewrite: When a young Muslim woman with dream for true love finds love outside her faith, her betrothed seeks to avenge his honor and the honor of his family.

Another rewrite: When a young Muslim woman with dream for true love finds love outside her faith, her betrothed seeks to avenge his honor and the honor of his family.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      Benneth,

      Kinda wish you would keep this in 1 solid thread, but…

      When a young Muslim woman looks for true love outside of her faith, her betrothed vows to stop them at all costs.

      If you have a solid story about struggle and of course, a love story, then you have something that producers want to make.

      Good luck.

      • 0
    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      I think you have the raw material for a compelling human drama, but this version hides what originally hooked my interest and what I think makes the story stand out as different, unique from the 10001 stories about star-crossed romance.

      Romeo was looking for true love, too. But that’s not the plot of Shakespeare’s immortal play. ?The plot is about what happens after he falls in love with a specific girl, Juliet.

      So be specific.

      That includes being specific about the setting, Norway, and her status, that she’s an emigrant. ?Otherwise, logline readers are going to assume the setting is in the Middle East. ?Maybe in Israel (“outside her faith” could mean he’s Jewish) or Egypt (where “outside her faith” could mean he’s Coptic).

      The setting is a distinguishing feature, a central element of the story hook, and the logline should advertise it.

      • 0