Betrayal
Leon DavisLogliner
At the turn of the 20th century, after an affair with a young Catholic Nun, a priest is enveloped in her kidnap and public fight against his Church, until finally, he renounces his faith to be with her on her deathbed.
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Hello,
usually you don’t need to spoil the end of your movie.
You should give a better descritpion of you main character (a priest is too vague).
And the opponent is vague too… “the church”… I would pick a bishop, and put a good chosen adjective to characterize him. (You start with a?personal conflict and slowly you build a more vast fight against the institution).
I wonder if the time detail (the turn of the 20th century) is really significant: I think the story can work in any time, even today. Maybe you could pick a specific moment in history where the context is clearly the more appropriate to stress the power of the story.
Try to better specify the inciting event (“after an affair” is vague… is it after the end o the relation, or, probably, when the bishop?discovers his affair?).
I agree with FFF: Your logline should NOT give away the end of your movie.
And you should make the priest’s inner struggle more obvious: Is he a “devout” priest who finds himself doing all this stuff? Is he an “up-and-coming young” priest with “a bright future”?
And the kidnapping part of this is more important than when it took place: Did the priest’s affair somehow tie to the kidnapping? What are the speculated motives for the kidnapping?
Maybe something more like:
“An up-and-coming young Vatican priest and nun fall into a torrid affair; then just after they end it, she is kidnapped by robed men in black. So the young priest begins trying to find out(against growing opposition) who is holding her, and why.”
You have some potentially interesting elements which is good. But they are not really tied together, so it feels like a bunch of disparate plot elements.
There’s an affair, a public fight against the Church, and a kidnapping, all of which seem to allude to an?interesting story. But I still don’t really know what the main plot is!
Thanks for tour comments.
Ar the turn of the 20th century, after an inconclusive affair with a young Catholic Nun, an inexperienced Irish priest is enveloped in her capture by a political group who force her into a public fight against his Bishop, before finally, he renounces his faith to be with her.