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toksonabanjo
Posted: December 13, 20132013-12-13T05:19:27+10:00 2013-12-13T05:19:27+10:00In: Public

As the year of the four blood moon approaches archivist director of a University discovers an ancient prophecy foretelling the rebuilding of Solomon?s temple and the discovery of the Ark of covenant but when Zadok?s manuscript is stolen he must accept the mystery between Yahweh and his chosen before the temple construction is abolished by an ancient brotherhood.

The Sons of Zadok

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    2 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2013-12-13T13:22:59+10:00Added an answer on December 13, 2013 at 1:22 pm

      This is not an easy logline for me to understand. I am afraid it puzzles more than informs. (Others’ mileage may vary.)

      “Four blood moon”. Is that a typo? Should it read “four blood moons”. In any event, what does it mean?

      “The mystery between Yahweh and his chosen ” — what does that mean?

      “By an ancient brotherhood” — what does that refer to?

      And I don’t see what is unique or new about key elements:
      “Discovery of the ark” — “Raiders of the Lost Ark” has already been there, done that.
      “Prophecy foretelling the rebuilding of Solomon?s temple ” — that’s not a radical new prophecy. That’s what the Bible has predicted for over 2,000 years.

      Whatever the story is supposed to be about, the protagonist seems to more passive than active and there is no clear statement of his objective goal. What does he want to do after discovering the prophecy? What is his objective goal? Who opposes him? What is at stake? What does he stand to gain if he succeeds? What does he stand to lose if he fails?

      Sorry, I can’t provide more constructive feedback. I just can’t make heads or tails of the concept.

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    2. JanCabal Logliner
      2013-12-14T17:09:12+10:00Added an answer on December 14, 2013 at 5:09 pm

      Just a note on a side: Zadok means ‘Ass’ or a ‘Butt’ in Czech, Slovakian, Polish, Serbian and other languages 😉

      Stakes are missing, or are not high enough. Why should reader root for abolishing an ancient temple? What are the ancient brotherhood goals? Are they antagonists at all? Is there any antagonist? What are the protagonists flaws? He is a brilliant historian, or archeologists, and he will use his knowledge and skills to defeat those (missing) antagonists?

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