Logliner
Posted: 2018-10-15T04:23:15+10:00 In:

Attempting to reconnect with her squad, a stranded time-traveling soldier battles another soldier on a strange world to prevent him from changing history, only to slowly discover she becomes responsible for a terrible disaster and the deaths of a city’s residents.

Attempting to reconnect with her squad, a stranded time-traveling soldier battles another soldier on a strange world to prevent him from changing history, only to slowly discover she becomes responsible for a terrible disaster and the deaths of a city’s residents.
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    5 Reviews

    1. Logliner

      I noticed that you gave additional information but I will only use your logline as the reference. You talk about a ?strange world? but I feel that you should give a bit more info about this place. Why is it strange? One other thing, the city residents that perish are people from the strange world? Why should he care about these strange aliens he just met? It?s not clear if the city is on Earth or another place.

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    2. Singularity

      >>>The Chernobyl is actually the climax.

      But loglines don’t give away the climax — that’s a spoiler.

      Okay,? you want to do a sci-fi version of the classic philosophical dilemma of the Runaway Trolley Car.? However:

      It’s tricky to pull off because no matter how impeccable the logic, it violates the moral sensibilities of the audience.? (See how the dilemma is handled in “The Imitation Game”. )

      It would be better if the stakes are personal:? she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do to save her own future life.

      And there’s gotta be a redemptive reason why she must live in the “future” even if it means sacrificing others in the “present”.? ?And that? could be, she must exist to prevent an even greater evil event.? (Again, see “The Imitation Game”.? There is a redeeming rationale for not using the intelligence gained from cracking the Enigma code to intercept every German attack.)

      This way it may be possible to set up possibilities for a sequel, a? franchise even. Which makes it more marketable.

      fwiw

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    3. Singularity

      Okay.? But isn’t the Chernobyl explosion how the movie ends, the climactic (or anti-climactic) event?? If so then it’s a spoiler element.? And a logline should not contain a spoiler, should never give away the big? pay off or final twist, should never reveal how the story ends.

      And it’s not a happy ending, either.? People –innocent people — died anyway.? Which makes it a harder script to sell.

      Why must the progenitors of some future soldiers live while innocents die instead?? ?(Aren’t soldiers, present and future,? expendable pawns?)

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    4. Singularity

      Thanks for the additional information.? So the protagonist accidentally sets off the nuclear meltdown at Chernobyl.

      Well, there is no way anyone would be able? divine that by reading the logline.

      The purpose of a logline is to (briefly) reveal — not conceal — what the story is about.? Further, the most important element of a logline is the story hook. The story hook in your logline is? an actual? historical event, the nuclear meltdown at Chernobyl.? Alas, the logline completely buries what the story is about, completely buries the story hook in a “sarcophagus” of vague generalities.

      fwiw

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    5. Singularity

      If she’s traveling through time? –as a soldier, no less — than doesn’t her combat duties entail changing history herself?? So, what’s so wrong about another soldier also changing history?? In other words:? what’s the dramatic problem?? And what, exactly,? is the terrible disaster she must avert?

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