A murderius vigilante must avoid arrest and the wraith of the community she is trying to protect.
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After reading the logline, there are a few things which come to mind.
The most important is the hook. There isn’t one. This ties into the second thing which is the character. What kind of vigilante? Does she have special skills or powers? This ties into the hook because how does this story stand out from Batman or Punisher? There are a lot of stories where the protagonist has to avoid arrest, what makes yours different? As of right now there is no hook, and the character isn’t described enough. And the character could be what the hook is.
The third thing is why is she avoiding arrest? Why now? Did she kill some specific? Was is someone important like a politician? A cop? A lot of people? Was she framed? Why is the community angry at her?
Who is the antagonist? Who is she trying to protect the community from? Why do they need protecting from this antagonist or antagonists? What does the antagonist want? Why do they want it? One of the suggestions I often make is to form a logline from the antagonist’s perspective.
What does the protagonist want? What does she specifically have to do in order to protect the community? Does have to kill whoever this antagonist is? Specifically describe her goal.
The entire logline is vague except for the fact that the community is angry at her, for some reason.
I hope this helps.
Agree with DK, this log seems incomplete. The 2nd half about the community wraith can be completely cut out and you can continue to showcase something more about who the protagonist must interact with all story.
Also, the title Baby Doll reminds me of doll house for some reason. Not sure why.
A vigilante is someone out for revenge, someone taking the law into their own hands.
I believe this logline would improve if you told us what incident set the lead character on their course of retribution.
Why are they a murderous vigilante? Who are they fighting against?
after a barely surviving a brutal rape a murderous vigilant must avoid increased police activity and the wraith of the community she is trying to protect to get justice.
“after a barely surviving a brutal rape a murderous vigilant must avoid increased police activity and the wraith of the community she is trying to protect to get justice.”
Does she want revenge or just justice? Does she want to kill the rapist or help put them in jail? And again, does she have special equipment or abilities? Who is the antagonist?
On another note, a comment on the inciting incident. Rape is a horrible thing. It’s a violation. Which is why so many writers like to use it as a shortcut to create empathy. Then they stop, and don’t explore the very serious topic of rape in a meaningful way. They just use it as a plot device to make the bad guy worse and in an attempt to create a traumatic story for a female character.
I bring this up because people have begun to notice this trope. Especially on shows like Game of Thrones. So much so that there articles discussing it, and producers don’t like it like in this article. I’m not saying you’re using it in this way but your logline just made think about that.
Did you mean to write wraith or wrath?