?When his baby daughter is kidnapped, an Ex-CIA Agent, notorious for being the best they ever had, breaks out of an insane asylum, and stops at nothing to get her back, from the man he himself trained.? ? BlOOM! by Judah Ray ?
Judah RayLogliner
?When his baby daughter is kidnapped, an Ex-CIA Agent, notorious for being the best they ever had, breaks out of an insane asylum, and stops at nothing to get her back, from the man he himself trained.? ? BlOOM! by Judah Ray ?
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Fewer words will serve you better than more, for example; “…an ex CIA agent notorious for being the best they had…” could also be written as; “..a formidable CIA agent…” or “…one of the CIA’s former best…”.
The adjective notorious implies a negative connotation, but being the best is positive so a different adjective will do better here. “…stops at nothing…” is too vague unless you have some unique bit of action he will undertake it doesn’t help the logline and can be cut.
Here is a more focused version of your logline:
After his baby is kidnaped, one of the CIA’s former best agents must break out of an insane asylum to hunt down his own former student who took his daughter.
The CIA probably wouldn’t have him on the pay role still, but splitting hairs. ?Here we go.
escaping an asylum a CIA assassin must rescue his kidnapped daughter from a man he trained.
Agreed with DPG.
This lacks too much detail for a plot to be clear.
Check out the Formula tab up top for more information about logline structures.
This isn’t a a logline. ?It’s not even a catchy blurb. It leaves me clueless as to what the plot of the script is about. ?It does not pique my interest to want to read the script because it doesn’t have a hook.
Please check out “Formula” at the top of the web page for guidelines on writing an industry acceptable logline.