A female detective investigating a series of robberies finds herself drawn to the prime suspect, a local streetfighter. As she get’s closer and closer, her darker impulses start to emerge.
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Good title. I want to know more about the female detective- what is she like before the dark side emerges? I would show that arc right there in the logline.
How about an example of the darker “impulses”?
With a little work, you can get this down to one line, I think.
“A highly-decorated detective finds herself drawn to a vicious robbery suspect, and as she falls more deeply in love, discovers the erotic thrill of the “violent chase”.”
Might not be your story, but hopefully you get the idea of what I was suggesting. Try to make sure your “hook” is clear, whenever possible.
I really like the idea and where it could possibly lead. Just curious as to the genre? It sounds like it could be really dark.
The inciting incident is clear, when she starts to fall for the criminal. I was just wondering how the second act is going to unfold and whether you could incorporate this somehow into the logline? What are these dark impulses and what does this mean for her and her job?
Also it wouldn’t hurt to give her some type of flaw. The physical journey is clear, but by giving her a flaw it will add an inner journey and thicken up her character. This could be something as simple as “a straight arrow” female detective. It’s not so much a flaw as a character trait that will get challenged by her love of this criminal.
Just a thought, hope it helps.
Thank you both for the feedback. I’ve been thinking over your suggestions, the female detective has anger issues related to her father, she’s manager to control them through therapy and breathing exercises, her partner commits suicide which leads to her slowly unraveling (and also her partner being possibly involved with the robberies). I’ve also been thinking of adding a subplot which will lead her to finally succumb to the violence within, possibly a domestic violence issue or the lover convincing her the person responsible for her partner’s death is a crime boss. Thank you again for your ideas.