CELTIC BAYOU embodies the triumph of the human spirit against all odds, as it tells the story of Gretchen Stevens, a teen-aged pupil at an all-girls dance academy who must confront a tyrannical substitute teacher, devious fellow students, past physical injuries and her own troubled past; all of which stand between her and her life’s dream.
RandyGLogliner
CELTIC BAYOU embodies the triumph of the human spirit against all odds, as it tells the story of Gretchen Stevens, a teen-aged pupil at an all-girls dance academy who must confront a tyrannical substitute teacher, devious fellow students, past physical injuries and her own troubled past; all of which stand between her and her life’s dream.
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This is more of a mini-synopsis rather than a logline. No need to include title or the character’s name. Or the ‘triumph of the human spirit’ mumbo jumbo – save that for the posters
Instead give us some specific and interesting trait so we get an idea what kind of person she is. And make all the other details more specific as well. Things like ‘troubled past’ could be anything, so it doesn’t help give us an idea for the movie you’re proposing.
If you could also introduce a specific goal (graduate, get a certain role, etc) – that would also help.
A good page to read for help with drafting loglines can be found here:
https://loglines.org/howto/
Hope this helps.
As Nir Shelter said.
Further: in a movie, a protagonist should always being striving to achieve their biggest dream and you indicate that is what she is doing.? Good.? But the logline doesn’t say exactly? what her biggest dream is.? It should. The logline reader, the director, the star, the audience –everyone needs tp need to know the visual that informs them that she has, indeed, made her dream come true.