Posted: 2013-01-12T06:08:26+10:00

Challenged by a misunderstood gang member who has become a bad influence at their school, a high school freshman pastor strives to remind him the importance of giving the lord a chance with the risk of being a target of the gang member.

The Teenage Preacher

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Now everything is there.

      If at some point, if you decide to shorten it. I would end with, “with the risk of becoming ‘his’ target.” and get rid of the end “Of the gang member” (That also eliminates using the word gang twice)

      I am not sure “freshman” is needed unless it is important to the story.

      But overall this is the best version you have done, Good job, I like it.

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    2. Singularity

      You also might not need “at their school,” since you mention the antagonist is a high school pastor we will assume his bad influence is at the school.

      Slightly shorter version without changing what your wrote too much.

      “Challenged by a misunderstood gang member who has become a bad influence, a high school pastor strives to remind him the importance of giving the lord a chance with the risk of becoming his target.”

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    3. +1 RichieV.
      This logline is quickly shaping up.

      Just trying another take:

      A high school pastor risks his own safety as he strives to imbue the Lord’s word on a misunderstood gang member who’s rising influence spreads through the school.

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